Typos and Grammatical Errors

• "Suspected to graduate early next year."

• "Disposed of £2.5 million in assets."

• "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

• "Achievements: Oversight of entire department."

• "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

• "I am a rabid typist."

• "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

• "Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981."

• "After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work."

• "Accounting cleric."

• "As indicted, I have over five years of experience analysing investments."

• "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

More CV Blunders

• "Fired because I fought for lower pay."

• "Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5"."

• "Please disregard the enclosed CV — it is terribly out of date."

• "Finished 8th in my school in a class of 10."

• "Qualifications: No education or experience."

• "I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."

• "My salary should be at least equal to my age."

• "Reason for Leaving: It involved the Inland Revenue and Interpol."

• "Reason for Leaving: My manager said the end of the world was near."

• "Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I'd prefer to elaborate privately."

Inappropriate Humour

• "Title: Another CV from the 'Profiles in Excellence' series."

• "Note: Keep this CV on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house."

• "Also Known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr. Fix-it."

• "Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting." (Translation: Worked in MacDonalds.)

• "But wait...there's more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature."

• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

• "A Fortune Teller said, 'Your next interview will result in a job' — and I like your company in particular."

• "Trustworthy references available upon request — if I give them a few quid."

• "Let's meet so you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' over my experience."